Blame
“The most self-destructive thought that any person can have is thinking that he or she is not in total control of his or her life. That’s when, ‘Why me?’ becomes a theme song.”
– Roger Dawson
Have you ever been hurt by other person, dear Reader? Of course you have! The question is just a rhetoric one, but it’s there with a purpose – to get you in the stage behind and to help you come to a valuable finding.
How much time do we spend in cursing the Destiny, God, Others or whomever and whatever for not getting what we think we deserve as reward, treatment, attitude…?
The truth is bitter – we can’s stop Others behaving according to THEIR stands, standards, finding or personalities! In fact, we need to quit trying to stop them at all. Let them be as they are, accept them and their deeds……for there are lessons to be learnt there also, no matter how painful they could be. Lesson as lesson, there is value in it.
But, being hurt, is it a reason for suffering really? Not at all!
Let us a make a closer view. Please see the pattern: Hurt – Pain – Suffering. It’s a process. How much are we in control of this process?
As we have concluded, we can’t stop Others from hurting us. So we are not in control of Phase 1 – Hurt!
What is pain? Isn’t it something that “happens” to one, but not necessarily to other? Same act causes different reaction from different individuals. We ARE different, and our reactions to the “outside” stimuli are reflecting our inner states. To get to the point, we could get in to Phase 2 and feel the pain, but it depends on variety of factors. So, we are not ultimately in control of Pain, but let’s agree that there is some space for exploring there for the possibility not to let the pain appear. Instead, let’s focus on Phase 3.
Is the Suffering something that trails the former phases of the process no matter what? Of course not!
Is there something we could do about it? Of course there is! Getting, or worse, staying in “suffering mode” is something that we could make completely within our reach. It’s a matter of attitude.
I’m not going to get in to details on reasons and results of playing “I’m always a victim!” game. I’m rather putting it in your face. It’s the easiest thing to blame others for our experiences. The bad news is – that attitude can’t possibly solve the problem. The change, every change starts and happens in ME.
Instead of being lazy and blame others, we could choose to put little effort and change our attitude. Change that would prevent pain, or, at least, at first sign of it to jump off the runaway train…to choose not to STAY in the pain mode and not to let the Phase 3 develop at all.
So, what would be the starting point of attitude change? I know people who enjoy asking questions starting with ‘How’. There is not a method. Just recognize the process, be and stay aware that you could choose not to continue to play the game that others keep soliciting or implying. Break the pattern. The only way to discourage them not to repeat the same action over and over again is to not let them enjoy seeing you in pain and suffering. Be careful, I’, not saying you should pretend that you are not in pain and suffering. I’m saying: “Stop feeling pain, stop suffering!”. There is not valuable lesson there, it’s just an inexcusable waste of time and energy. Break the patter and move on. Occasionally, you would spot another troublemaker and another……
Is it too much to ask you to understand that others just need to learn their own lessons, in their unique own way? We are just a simple rebound in other people lives, no matter how connected we are to them. The Ultimate, Devine virtue is to accept……especially things that we can’t change……as they are.
Remember Christ dying on the cross: “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit”. That’s what I see as ultimate acceptance. At the first sign of pain (“My God, why have you forsaken me?”) Jesus accepts the things as they are, disregarding the mocking crowd (“You who would destroy the temple and build it again in three days, save yourself. If you are the Son of God, why do you not come down from your cross?”) and applying highest level of tolerant regard of crowd’s ridicule, CHOOSES not to suffer. The public did, and the generations that have followed still think Jesus was in great pain and suffering. No way! No matter how hurt his body was, HE had chosen to be free.
Jesus had purposed to live without resort to his supernatural power, and he likewise elected to die as an ordinary mortal upon the cross. He had lived as a man, and he would die as a man.
Every human being has his own Golgotha, own Barabas, Pilate, and finally, his own cross to be carried around, to die on……However, it’s up to us if we would choose to leave our lives as free beings, and to die as ones.
Copyright © 2005. All rights reserved.
Mitko Keramitchiev is a business consultant operating in Macedonia through its company Interconn UBS http://www.interconn-ubs.net and its daughter branches.
His bestselling book “Fifth Dimension, A New Paradigm about LIFE” has become an eye opener and inspirational gateway to personal transformation for thousands of individuals.
Mitko Keramitchiev http://www.interconn-ubs.net
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